Recently my beloved and I have been talking about what are those things that really make a relationship work. There’s the big stuff like shared values, good communications, compatibility and friendship that are absolutely necessary. There are also the small things that you might not even think about, but when they are gone it is a sign that something is amiss.
When a relationship is new and feelings are running high, most people will be hyper-vigilant about everything from keeping the house sparkling, to wearing the sexy undies, to making sure that breath is kissable at all times. Overtime some of these things will begin to slide and the house is decent, the undies are at least clean and the breath is mostly good. This is normal.
However, there are lines that get negotiated. Maybe she requires that dishes be rinsed. Maybe he would like the sexy undies on Friday nights. And they both likely demand teeth brushed after eating Pesto Sauce with Garlic Bread! You may not necessarily care about the same little things, but because you love and respect your beloved you do them.
When you start noticing that you are arguing about rinsing the dish instead of just rinsing it or “forgetting” to brush or making other plans on Friday nights, then it may be time to start paying attention to your relationship. Then often subtle changes can blow up into huge problems that can end a relationship. Often things can be resolved and the underlying issues can be addressed if you don’t wait to confront those uncomfortable feelings.
It might seem odd to consider couples counseling because you didn’t rinse a dish, but this is a symptom of something deeper that is affecting how you treat each other. Couples counseling can help to rebuild and improve your relationship.