The Virtues Project
By Delaram Hakiman-Adyani
"When one teaches, two learn." Robert Half
What is it about a short quotation that carries so much power? Anyone who has ever been moved by "I have a dream" or "I think, therefore I am" knows that a single, simple quote can change a day, a life, a world.
As I am preparing for my next Virtues Workshop, I read this quote and wonder how it speaks to my purpose and commitment to bring the virtues to life in our Portland area. My determination came from a deep desire to make the world a better place, not only for my young children, but also for other families who are looking for a spiritual education or a 'moral' compass to lead them through their parenting and beyond. I want to organize a sustainable community that would nurture and support the principals of the Virtues Project, and to offer training and facilitation of deeper discussions on the meaning of our lives and our parenting choices.
I came across The Virtues Project in my late teens, having taken some extraordinary classes from the Founders at an International School in Canada. The empowering and simple language they describe in The Family Virtues Guide, (1997) amazed me! Right then, I embarked on gaining a better understanding of the selected 52 character traits, so called virtues, how to practice them myself, and to honor others by seeing and acknowledging the virtues.
"Only in quiet waters do things mirror themselves undistorted. Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world." Hans Margolius (from Virtues Reflection Card: Perceptiveness)
Creativity, Love, Compassion, Justice, Determination, Gentleness, Truthfulness, Courtesy...
These were described as the qualities of the soul, and the content of our character, universally valued by all faiths and cultures in the world. I tell you, there is no end to my learning, as I teach more! The virtues are not values that one can overlay on certain way of life or certain possessions. The virtues are the intention and the reason beyond the values we have. They are the core of who we are. Just as a seed that has all the potential to bear fruit or veggies one day, we also have the capacity to be cultivated to be our best selves! The Virtues Educator's Guide (2002) offers 'exercises' and meaningful suggestions to practice the virtues in a classroom setting, exercises to bring more joy to learning and teaching.
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau (from Virtues Reflection card: Independence)
As an educator, I honor those who value the importance of character training, with or without a 'spiritual' fame work, knowing that we all need to be nurtured, be seen in a good light, and be guided to bring out the best in each other and ourselves.
The Virtues Project is grounded in the universal truths that cross over any specific culture or particular religion. I too researched the oral traditions of the world's indigenous people, the scripture and sacred writing of seven other major Faiths at the time, and found that the virtues were like the 'silver thread' that connected them all, in unity. As if they were all one!
"Believe those who seek the truth; doubt those who find it."-Andre Gide
The five empowering and simple strategies of the Virtues Project may seem familiar to you. The first strategy is 'speaking the language of the Virtues'. Just as one learns any new skill or language, one needs to be immersed in that environment to become fully accustomed and fluent. In developing a culture of virtues in our home and schools, and workplaces, we need to have a new frame of reference: that is a new "frame of reverence", as Linda Kavelin Popov puts it, that takes into accounts our intentions and "strength virtues." Words have such power to encourage or discourage. We can call on the virtues to correct mistaken behavior, to guide, to educate, and to acknowledge excellence. An Ah-haa moment for my friend and colleague was that the word 'perfection' was not listed on the list of the virtues! Now I say, Practice makes 'excellent', not perfect!
The second strategy is to recognize the "teachable moment", and to name a virtue, instead of using language that shames the others or us. We seek an opportunity and a lesson from every difficult situation or person. The third strategy speaks to our need to set and maintain clear boundaries in our homes, in our relationships, and with ourselves. It is a question of respecting our individuality and honoring our time, safeguarding our energies and integrity.
The fourth tool that The Virtue project offers is a reminder to honor the spirit as 'what is most important' to us. We need to take the time out of our busy lives of 'doing' to and to focus on 'being': we can take time to celebrate, to meditate, to spend time in nature, to journal to seek guidance from within, and to have meaningful activities that bring us back to ourselves. One of my favorite activities is called a "Virtue pick", where a where a deck of virtue cards is shuffled, and one card is selected as a focus, an invitation, a reminder, a confirmation to our daily activities and lives. Each card provides a definition, carries an inspirational quote, and suggests how to practice the Virtue. I have never picked a card that did not speak to me.
The last strategy speaks to our deep desire to be heard, and to be fully present for each other, in any given situation. When we 'companion' someone, we ask 'cup-emptying' questions that start with the question, "what?", then give a time of receptive silence and full attention as the other shares one's issue. Being a first class listener and to be fully present, weather the issue is a sad or happy event, giving a virtue acknowledgment allows healing, a greater understanding of the 'heart of the matter' and encourages making a moral choice based on the virtues. We 'get curious' instead of getting furious!
"Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine honor, I lose myself." William Shakespeare (from the Virtues Reflection Card: Honesty)
Courage, Diligence, Peacefulness, Cooperation, Tact, Kindness, Joyfulness, Humility, Caring...
